Can a Friend Break Your Heart: 6 Ways To Spot a Fake Friend

What exactly is a heartbreak? Many would say it’s the feeling as if your heart was breaking after experiencing a loss or betrayal. So, can a friend break your heart?
I would think so.
Anyone who has ever touched our heart in any way, can also harm it. It is difficult to admit, probably even more difficult than a ‘normal’ heartbreak. At least when you get heartbroken by a lover, you know that’s the end, and there was always a possibility this person wouldn’t be in your life forever.
But what about a friend? A friend is supposed to be a person that’s always there for you, a friend is someone that you can expect and keep in your life forever. So when they break your heart, in some cases, it makes it that much worse.
I had people in my life, ‘friends’ I called them, that I believed would be in my life forever. However, that’s not the case.
A few years ago I started walking my own path, working on myself, focusing on my passion, I even had some hefty downfalls and very depressing periods of my life. And guess who was not there?
I tried calling, texting, talking, and none of that really worked. They always had excuses and a life too busy for even one coffee. Then, I stopped for a couple of years, and this year I tried again.
 I’ll admit – I did miss them.
We were the kind of friends that shared everything with each other, our first kisses, our first boyfriends, our first everything. So to realize that kind of person was ostracizing you, pushing you out of their life, was in fact, heartbreaking.
But, as you go along and as you grow up, grow older and become a different version of yourself, there are some people you need to let go in your life, and stop calling them your friends, rather replacing that with – ‘people I used to know’.

But how to spot a toxic, fake friend like that from a real friend? 

1.  When you ask to hang out with them they always make an excuse
These kind of ‘friends’ will always make up an excuse for not hanging out with you. And it even won’t be hanging out, it’ll be just a cup of coffee, or a lunch – they simply won’t have time. The worst thing is, deep down, you probably know their excuses are nothing but bullshit.

2. They only call you when they need you
A friend like this will only call you or text you when they need you. They will speak in a ‘friendly’ manner, asking for a favor like – translating of a text, or writing a paper, or help with something they know is your specialty. If you still want to help them, at least charge them. You know they’d never do it for you. A good friend would call you just to check on you.

3. You’re always willing be there for them, but they’re never there for you
You’re always willing to help them when they’re in trouble – may it be problems in school, at home, their love life. You’re always willing to listen to all the crap they bestow onto you. But when you’re having difficulties, they’re simply out of time or out of energy. 

4. You stop getting invited to events
You stop getting invited to parties, going-outs, birthdays, any large or small events in their lives. This only proves they no longer see you as a friend, or a part of their life. 

5. When you need some time for yourself, they blame you and cut you off
When you’re having a difficult time in your life, may it be school, work or love related, you sometimes need some time to yourself to think. Perhaps you even need a little more time than just a few days. They see it as a personal attack meaning you don’t want to hang out with them, so they cut you out of their social life completely.  Good friends know the importance of your alone time, and will not hold it against you if you want to spent some quality time just by yourself. 

6. They don’t accept you the way you are
Good friends will always accept you the way you are, all depression and existential life crisis moments included. Maybe you’re not a person that likes to hang out at clubs, maybe you’re someone that prefers concerts and live music, or maybe you prefer not to be loud and they do. They will cut you out of their group just because some of their preferences don’t match with yours.

Sharon Livingston (go check out her TEDx talk) says, living in a toxic friendship is like living with a bullet in your head (she tells the story of a man who got shoot, but didn’t know, he thought it was just a shard of glass. Some time later he goes to the doctor because his head hurts, he feels dizzy – the doctor tells him he has a bullet in his head). What she means to say is – all the sings are here, and you know them even if you’re not willing to admit it yet, and the ‘bullet’ in your head is killing you.
They say friendships helps us live better, healthier and longer lives, so no wonder we cling onto relationships we want to keep. We’ll do anything to keep them.
But like in romantic relationships, - you shouldn’t be forced to ask the person to be in your life.
I admit it; I sobbed, I cried, I watched horror stories in my bed whole day (to make myself feel better), I was angry, I was upset, I even got a migraine from all the stress of thinking about it. But now here’s the thing, - do I really want to keep someone in my life that makes me feel that way?
You don’t need that bullet in your head.
Yes, it’s hard to cut the cord and ties to the people that had been with you at the life moments that made you YOU the most, and yes, it is heartbreaking.

But you need, no, you are worth the people in your life who care for you. Who call you just because. Who surprise you for your birthday. Who congratulate you for a promotion. Who want you by their side at their big or small life events. You are worthy of people who make you feel like you are their friend, and they yours.
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Note: All the photos were taken from Pixabay - the photos are free for personal and commercial use, no attribution required. 
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